Watch The Diphenhydramine Memoirs #2 on YouTube
My first experience with Diphenhydramine (documented in my first memoir) left me suffering with hallucination persistent perception disorder (HPPD) for a number of weeks in which I persisted to hallucinate spiders and perceive the form of people likened to ghosts. This visual phenomena was most prevalent during the evening time and had the effect of making me fearful of falling asleep for the atmosphere during these episodes was one of menace in which I would feel as if I was being watched.
As such I had sworn in my heart that I would never again use DPH either for it's recreational effects or for it's prescribed use, yet a curious thing happened and a few short months after my first experience time was able to reconcile my trauma and I found myself thinking about DPH again. For as much as I dread the thought of it I came to realize that the power of the experience had produced many questions with regards to the authenticity of it's paranormal element and as such I struggled to translate it's meaning into my life. As such I came to realize in due time that I could perceive a necessity to use DPH recreationally again for I desired to learn the source of my fear.
The Trip
The Trip
And so this is how my second experience with DPH came about in the March of 2014 while I was temporarily contracted as a solar panel engineer. The evenings were at long last becoming warm again after a cold winter and I was feeling in good spirits having recently discovered Dextromethorphan in the wake of my first DPH experience which had left me searching for a more suitable OTC medicine I could get high from. I looked forward to realizing it's true potential as a psychoactive over the course of the coming summer and was keen to graduate to 2nd Plateau after a couple more 1st Plateau experiences.
I had of course read with interest on the internet that DXM and DPH used in combination produced an interesting synergy in which those brave enough and foolhardy enough to mix the two together commonly reported reaching a mystical state and having an out of body experience. And it was with this line of thinking that I walked up to the village pharmacy after finishing work one evening that March and purchased a 100ml bottle of Robitussin dry cough medicine containing 150mg of DXM and a pack of Nytol sleep aid tablets containing 50mg DPH per tablet (for a grand total of 1g.) I then visited the local newsagent for a crate of eight beers and headed down to my village wreck with a mind to neck a few cans and take a few hundred mg DPH.
When I got there I did precisely this and ate around 150mg DPH. I then settled down on the grass in order to watch the sun set over the corn fields and proceeded to drink a couple of beers. After I had been doing this a short while the sunset became as if it were washed out with tones of orange and yellow so rich in hue they appeared to bleed through the canvas of the sky. At the same time my vision was also deteriorating in the fading light of the day and had become somewhat choppy as mild waves of anticholinergic induced nystagmus set in. I stood up feeling noticeably spaced out and gazed upon the fields. In the distance I could perceive the vague forms of people running through the corn which I likened to shadows. I tried to focus my eyes in on them but as I did so they would disappear only to reappear again in the corners of my vision when I looked away. This was a very eerie spectacle and as such I walked home a little faster than I usually would for fear I might see something lurking in the shadows that I didn't want to see.
When I got home I decided to go and see a friend who I regularly smoke weed with and finish off my beers. I left the DXM at home which was uncharacteristically sensible of me during this phase of my drug addiction but did eat around another 150mg DPH before leaving my house. On the short walk down the main road to my friends house I noticed that I was in noticeably more intoxicated state than I would usually expect to achieve from drinking two cans of beer and was also suffering from a little of that classic DPH induced amnesia wherein you forget to consciously respond to your thoughts so instead your thoughts begin to respond one to the other which can create some extremely bizarre and nonsensical dialogues you only catch the tail end of when you become conscious that you're thinking again.
My friend had a shed in his garden which we regularly chilled in. I arrived there and bought a gram of weed from him to smoke whilst he played Fifa on his Xbox. Over the course of the next couple of hours I polished through my remaining beers and I felt the effects of the DPH become more pronounced and synergize nicely with the alcohol. My eyes were constantly drawn to various corners of the shed wherein the shadows I could perceive movements like those of insects. As I smoked my way through a few joints my vision further deteriorated the cannabis seeming to enhance the fragmenting effect the DPH was having on my field of view. As I grew more stoned I felt increasingly jovial and appreciative of the interesting synnergy between the three compounds and there was an air of magic and mischief about the shed.
I was feeling pleasantly intoxicated as I left my friends shed for my house. I was happy that I had a couple of joints left on me and was excited to eat more DPH when I got home. I had barely been walking a few minutes when remembered something of vital importance: the bottle of DXM I had left in my drawer, then a terrible yet fascinating idea occurred to me. 'No' I said out loud attempting to stall the inevitability of me caving into this most mischievous of suggestions but to no avail as I was now grinning wildly at the prospect of mixing these potent pharms and possibly achieving a cosmic state of consciousness. 'No' I said again and then began to laugh at the absurdity of the idea, furthermore at the absurdity of the idea that I could resist such a temptation. With this line of thinking I hurried home with a skip in my step, eager to indulge my senses.
Back in my bedroom I left my bedroom light off as I remembered from my last experience with DPH that hallucinations were more prominent in a dimly lit environment and so I turned on my PC and used the monitor for a source of light. Leaning back in a fishing chair I kept in my room I chugged the Robitussin dry cough medicine down in one gulp (something I couldn't possibly do these days as I would vomit immediately) and ate another 300mg of DPH. Then I played some music on my computer and patiently waited for the drugs to kick in whilst admiring my present state of intoxication.
I can't recall much about what occurred during that gap between me taking the DXM and waiting for it to kick in but during that time I had apparently drunk another beer and became delirious as the next thing I remember is looking at the time on my PC and observing with a degree of child like awe that a whole hour had past since I dosed. I then turned back towards my bed where the friend that I'd visited earlier was now sitting. We proceeded to engage in a humorous dialogue which barely resembled a conversation throughout which I was vaguely aware that I was hallucinating the whole exchange but prone to forgetting this fact. When I did remember that I was hallucinating it brought me great joy to think I was so delirious as to be talking to someone who wasn't even there.
And yet I realize now that on some primitive level I did understood that there was indeed something there, something which was both conscious and aware of me and had I any idea what it was I was engaging with I would never have pursued DPH for as long as I did.
However since I didn't know anything about familiar spirits and demons at the time I resided myself to the belief that this was all part of the trip (however convincing) and thought it was extremely cool that my mind was capable of producing such realistic interactive hallucinations. 'Who needs friends when you've got this?' I thought and my downfall thus began.
After a little while had passed I went to lay down on my bed and observe my room. The DXM at this point was reaching plateau and I writhed around in the ecstasy of my intoxication as waves of moderate dissociation and serotonergic euphoria washed over me. This had the additional benefit of neutralizing some of the less desirable effects of the DPH and also stimulating my mind to the extent I was able to remain conscious throughout the remainder of the trip and enjoy every second of it.
It also seemed to first enhance the more enjoyable qualities of the DPH experience and then synergize to create a new high altogether which seemed to take the best from both worlds and combine them to produce a strange mystic state in which my hallucinations inherited an neon jelly like quality. Resulting hallucinations were noticeably more vivid and alien in their theme than those which DPH can produce in and of itself and as such I felt sure that I had happened upon a life changing discovery and was excited to learn more from these synthetic gurus.
Experience With The 3rd Eye
Experience With The 3rd Eye
At some point it occurred to me to close my eyes and this is when I really began to venture down the rabbit hole. Behind my closed eye lids I could see a swirling red vortex which opened up to reveal a birds eye view of the middle of a road of some variety. Shocked by the realism of the vision I had to open my eyes at once and was amazed to discover that the closed eye imagery was of a quality which somehow seemed to exceed that of real life. In a state of awe I closed my eyes again and now I could see my feet standing on the surface of a cobbled road. Then as if peering through the lens of a camera my view suddenly transitioned so that I was now looking down the road instead of at it. As this happened my field of vision appeared to push outwards and no sooner did this happen than I was immersed in a 3D environment which appeared to resemble medieval England and was bathed in a luminous red hue.
Again I had to open eyes as I could not believe what I was seeing and was once again stunned by the noticeable downgrade in visual acuity as if I swapping from digital high definition to an analogue signal. I closed my eyes again and was met with the same imagery as before. In the distance still bathed in a crimson red hue I could perceive a medieval looking town wherein I could see crooked houses which seemed to resemble those of the Tudor period. The vision apparently discerning my desire to explore changed angles so I was staring down at my feet again. My feet then apparently as a result of mental willpower alone began to proceed down the cobbled road. Shortly afterwards I could see people on either side of me dressed in medieval garb but was only able to pick out their torsos and legs as I could not for the life of me work out how to control my astral body and lift my head up in the vision.
I eventually engaged in some sort of telepathic conversation with a passer by but can not remember the details of this exchange. Not long after this the medieval town appeared to melt away into nothing. Yet this nothing was apparently something in and of itself -a vast void of space likened to hypnagogic twilight zone of sorts. Within it I observed bizarre concepts expressed abstractly through the curious arrangement of every day objects and matter. The place was also inhabited by ghostly entities resembling humans who appeared to drift around place in lonely circuits. Occasionally one of them might stop to engage me through telepathic communication though I can no longer remember the details of these dialogues except that they served to increase my curiosity and bafflement.
After this I can not remember much more from the trip and am not sure that I even managed to make it outside again to smoke a joint once that evening. Overall it was a much more positive experience than my first experience with DPH had been and being somewhat familiar with the drug after this I do not remember feeling as fearful when falling asleep over the next couple of days in spite of developing HPPD again.
Demonic Indoctrination
In hindsight I can of course see now that the devils were having a field day with me during this experience and through the lust of my eyes they succeeded in making me exceedingly curious about the things I had seen effectively guaranteeing that I would feel a strong compulsion to continue using Diphenhydramine -which of course I did. Subsequently I gave myself into my enemy's hand of my own accord ready to receive his false doctrine which I will expand upon some more in my next memoir: the stage was set for addiciton.
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